You would think I had forgotten how to write the way I’ve neglected this blog.
I feel like I owe it dinner, a movie, and a walk along the beach to make up for how triflin’ I’ve been to it. Maybe a Michael Kors bag too. But anyways, I’ve come back! I’m here now, I’ve blown the cobwebs off of my blog, and I have some things to say.
I could sit here and ramble about all of the great things that have happened to me since the last time that I put my fingers on my keyboard to get the thoughts out of my head (because there have been a LOT of fantastic moments), but that’s not what brought me back here.
I came back to vent. To say one seemingly simple sentence.
I want to move.
Now, this isn’t the first time that I’ve said this sentence, nor is it the first time I’ve given considerable thought to the idea of leaving DC. But this past weekend, I had a chance to spend some time in North Carolina, and while I didn’t do much in the vein of a “typical” vacation, I had a chance to just drive around, take scenery in, and go do regular things in the city, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I want to be down South. Like…there is something about the South that just feels like home to me, though I’ve never lived there. I feel at home every time I go anywhere south of Virginia, and…I’m starting to feel like it’s time for me to see and experience something different. I’ve been in DC/Maryland for my entire life, and yes it’s home, but…I want to plant my feet somewhere else. I want to see if I’d like it somewhere else. If I don’t, home will always be there. DC will always be home to me; most of my friends and all of my family live here, but…I want out.
The catch? I’m scared. Completely. Effing. Scared.
I have a job here that pays me (albeit less than I should be making and it’s not really what I want to do), I have stability, I’ve got a pretty generous benefits package, most of my friends are here, I get to watch my goddaughter grow up right before my eyes, I’m currently not tied to a lease that I can’t get out of, my mother is here, home is here, everything I’ve ever known is here.
But is this what I want? I can’t tell you how many times that question pops up in my mind on a daily basis. That, or questioning if the life I think I want is the life that will be best for me. At one point, the life I have now is the life I thought I wanted, and well…we see how happy I am with that.
The thought of trying to go after what it is I want to do with my life (which requires a complete sector shift, and might require an entire other graduate-level degree), packing up everything I have onto a U-Haul or into a Pod and shipping it somewhere other than down I-95 in Maryland, moving into a place completely by myself in a city that I’ve only visited a handful of times, and starting my life almost completely over, scares the living sh*t out of me. Being here in DC is safe. It’s comfortable. It’s familiar. Hell, it’s even nice. But I don’t know how me it is anymore. I just don’t know…
I just don’t know what it is I’m supposed to do…
If you’ve ever faced a decision like this, or if you’re like me and WANT to do something different, but haven’t made a move or a plan yet, leave me some thoughts in the comments. I’d love to gain some perspective/talk this thing on out. Thank you guys for still being here
in spite of me being triflin’…