Category Archives: Love

5 Reasons I Want A Man…

reasons 1-5.

It’s no secret to people that know me that I’m single. Single as a dollar bill as I love to say. And you know what, that’s ok! Sometimes I relish in the fact that I’m a single girl living in this cool world with no one to answer to, no one to check in with, and no one to have to integrate into my already busy life. BUT…I’m still human, and more importantly, I’m still me, so…I know I want a relationship. In some ways, I’m not even 100% certain why I want a relationship, but I know I do. That whole…support, having each other’s back, and keeping each other in check thing is kinda attractive to me, what can I say? In keeping with my tradition of letting you all have first dibs on my mental mind, I thought I’d share with you my top 5 ridiculous reasons why I want a man. These are in no particular order, so just go with me.

1.) To have someone to cook for
Ya’ll. Listen. This past month or so has been absolutely ridiculous for me. I have never felt so many urges to cook for someone in my life. I’ve literally gone to the grocery store and dropped bills on bills on bills on groceries just to come home and cook for someone! The person that’s benefitted the most from this is my good friend Shon, since she’s been present for damn near everything I’ve cooked in this recent domestic binge. From salmon with watermelon and shrimp salad to turkey burgers and fried plantains to shrimp and broccoli alfredo to nutella cheesecake bars, she’s been here for it all. She’s even said to me, “Girl, if you had a man, I’d tell you to make this for him…” -_- hmph.

2.) To have someone to shop for
I know, this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but…let me explain. I have a slight sneaker addiction/obsession. More than half of the shoes in my closet are sneakers, and well…if I could wear them everyday, I swear I would. Now everytime I walk into Finish Line, I first head for the kids section to see what I want, but then I somehow always end up in the men’s section looking at shoes! Whose feet can fit those? Not mine! I walk past Nike Air Max 95s, Polo sneakers, Sperry Top Siders (even though they aren’t sneakers), take a longing glance at them, and walk out of the store empty headed and sad faced. And don’t get me started on when I go into Macy’s and hit the Polo section and go into Express to the dress shirt and tie section. Apparently, I want someone to spend money on. Where in the hell did this come from?

3.) To have someone to go places with me
It’s common knowledge to anyone that knows me that I like to go out and have fun and that I love to travel. Going to the bar? Count me in. Headed to a sporting event? Yep, I’m there. A concert is in town? Hell yeah, I’m going! The crew wants to go somewhere? I’m putting my planning hat on and making the reservations. The problem is…who the hell is going with me to these things? I love my friends to death, and love it when they go places with me, but I know they have lives! And their lives don’t always revolve around making sure I have fun when I go somewhere. For me to have a built in travel/fun buddy? MAN! That would be dope as hell. Granted, he’d actually have to like to do some of the same things I like to do, but…we’re not talking specifics right now!

4.) To have another driver around
I’m about to start shouting in here just from typing that. The thought of not having to always drive myself?! Listen. I think outside of work, I spend more time in my car than I do anywhere else. Everywhere I go, I drive, and sometimes I even drive other people where they need to go. The gas usage doesn’t really bother me (yet), but the time spent behind the wheel is starting to drive me up a wall. Sometimes I wanna text while I’m in the car…other times, it’d be nice to catch a quick 5-10 minute nap while I sit in the passenger seat…can I do that now? Nope! Do ya’ll know how excited I would be to just be like “hey babe, can you drive from Waldorf to Landover to Silver Spring to Baltimore and back to Largo tonight?” *does dougie* Seriously, the man might get a meal and a new shirt off of that alone…

5.) To have someone’s clothes to steal
If you looked in my pajama drawer, you’d swear I was a semi-pro basketball player. Nothing but tank tops and basketball shorts in there since I moved the lingerie to a different drawer. Now I remember there was a conversation on Twitter about how if a girl takes a guy’s clothes, that means something serious between the two of them. Let me tell you how I’d love to be sleeping in a shirt that smells like my man or in a pair of his clean basketball shorts. *rolls around in bed at the thought* I have a thing about scent, so to have something that smells like the man I’m with? *shakes head* If I steal his clothes, I’ll have built in pajamas whenever I stay at his place or he stays at mine…I think that’s a win-win for everyone involved.

So there you have it folks – my top 5 absolutely ridiculous reasons why I want to be in a relationship. What say you, good people? Any of my single readers want to be in a relationship, and if so, can you relate? For my readers out there who are living the boo’ed up life, have you ever had urges like the ones I talked about here? Take a minute and share some thoughts with me…until next time!

Feature Fridays – Le BOOM Vent Suite

Howdy folks! Welcome back to Feature Fridays, and today I have a pretty personal song chosen. I know it’s the Friday before a holiday, and everyone is amped to get their long weekend started (I KNOW I am), but I decided I needed to share this song with you all since it’s been on constant rotation for the last week.

It always feels like Christmas to me when an artist that I love releases new music. With every track that passes, it’s like ripping another piece of wrapping paper off of the biggest gift under the tree. When Jill Scott released her new album, “The Light of the Sun,” it was no different for me. Her music has been a soundtrack for me in both sad and happy times, so I was eager to see what direction she took this new album in. As with most new music I buy, I bought it on my iPod, so I pulled my headphones in while at my desk at work and began to listen. 1 got to track 5 and immediately stopped in my tracks.

http://youtu.be/I3szlTzmJ3c

“Le Boom Vent Suite” seems to speak to every corner of my life. It’s almost as if Jill took a trip to DC, asked me what was going on, and wrote a song about it. The beginning of the song is completely empowering for me, and inspires me to make some changes in my own life, while the end reminds me that it’s sometimes easier said than done. That balance between believing that someone doesn’t want you and you deciding that it’s time to leave with the realization that maybe they do want you if you stick it out, coupled with your realization that you completely want them and you feel that they’d benefit your life if they’d just get it together? Man. It’s like she knows me. It’s so beautifully painful for me to listen to that I can’t seem to turn away from it whenever it comes on. As if you couldn’t already tell, I relate best to music, but it’s especially gripping for me when I’m going through something or trying to get to a place that’s described in a particular song. Whenever I feel strongly about a song, I tend to listen to it over and over, and that’s exactly what I’ve done with this song this week.

If you haven’t done so already, please go buy her album! It’s a work of art from start to finish in my opinion, and as a woman, there are a few songs on there that I completely relate to and that I feel very strongly about, with “Le Boom Vent Suite” taking the lead for the one I feel the most about. Are there any songs that you all have that seem to just kick you in the chest because it most accurately describes your life at a certain point? Let’s chat about them in the comments! Until next time, folks…

Happy Birthday Dad!

I’ve been wrestling for a few days about just how I wanted to tackle this post. It’s a hard one to write, simply because this time of year is never an easy one for me. There was a part of me that wanted to solely go the route of expressing how much I miss my dad, and how I wish I could spend his birthday with him, and how not a day goes by where I’m not reminded of him or where it feels surreal that he’s not here anymore. Now, all of what I just said is true, but for once, I think I want to write something that speaks to who he was as a person and what was important to him. My dad’s birthday is today (April 21), and he would have been 62 if he was still with us on Earth. Do I think he was taken too soon? The selfish side of me says yes…the spiritual side of me knows that things could have gotten much worse for him had he stayed with us, so in that respect, I’m ecstatic that he’s not hurting anymore.

But I miss him.

Luckily, he gave me a gift from the day that I was born that will never leave me. It’s so much engrained into who I am as a person that I feel it is an integral part of my personality, and it has a hand in every single aspect of my life. The gift he gave me was the gift of music. Whether it was me having to hear him practicing songs on his bass for church on Sunday, or going with him to watch him perform with choirs, or singing in the car with him on the way to the grocery store, music was our thing. So on this day, on what would have been the beginning of the 62nd year of his life, I choose to celebrate him through song. There are so many songs that I learned through him, or that spark some memory of him when I hear it. There is one song that every single time I hear it, whether it be on my iPod, on the radio, or me randomly choosing to listen to it on YouTube, that feels like he is reaching down from the musician’s stand in Heaven to give me a hug. That song is The Gap Band’s “Yearning For Your Love.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIjLBK_n-74]

If you actually want to hear the song, click the link to go to YouTube — it won’t allow playback on the site.

Now, I have no recollection of the first time I heard that song, or even if my first time hearing it was with him, but no matter where I am, what I’m doing, who I’m with, or what’s going on, if I hear that song, I automatically feel at peace. I’m thankful every day that I had him in my life for the 16 years that he was with me, and that he passed on his genuine love for music and his talent down to me. Every time I hear a song with an amazing bass line, or a tenor that can really sing, or see someone playing a bass guitar or an alto saxophone, I’m reminded of my dad and just how much of an impact he still has on me to this day. It’s not an easy thing to realize that the only way I can tell him happy birthday is through my dreams and my thoughts, but this year, I choose to celebrate his life and his legacy. He left me with so many stories to tell my future children about who their grandfather was, and how awesome of a man he was.

To the best man I’ve ever had the Earthly privilege of knowing, I miss you. You live on in my heart and in my mind every day, and it is my earnest hope that I am making you proud down here. I wish I had one more conversation, one more hug, one more cheer from you in the back of the auditorium after concerts, one more ride down the highway listening to the radio together…I love you so much, and I take comfort in knowing that one day I’ll see you again, and we’ll get to do a whole lot of catching up. Happy Birthday Dad!

4.21.49 – 7.25.03

I Wanna Be She…

Unlike a lot of people in my circle of friends, I got introduced to certain amazing music pretty late in the game. It wasn’t until last summer that I was introduced to the amazing, talented, and gifted Eric Roberson. And let me just say that the first time I heard his music, I was completely blown away. Now, I’m not ashamed to admit, it took me a while to buy his album Music Fan First. I don’t know what the hell took me so long to get it, but once I did, I was pleasantly surprised, taken aback, and almost immediately fell in love with the album. As on any album, there is typically one song that stands completely out to me, and becomes my favorite track on the disc. In this case, the song off of his album is “She.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOiBNGCyv00]

This song is just…beautiful. I don’t think that there is another word that adequately describes the song. It’s simple, it’s poignant, it’s direct, and it spoke directly to my soul. I’ve known since the first time I heard it that it was a special song to me, but it wasn’t until I was driving home from Baltimore on Friday night that it really resonated with me why the song was so special to me. Mind you, I have listened to this song countless times, have listened and processed the words of the song, and have committed most of the song to memory, but it never really hit me why I was so in love with the song. It dawned on me that I want to be “she.” In every single line of the song, I long to be that woman to someone (who deserves it from me). For the first time in a very long time, I actually think I’m capable of being “she” to someone, which is taking some getting used to on my end. Once I came to that realization, I also noticed that it’s the simplest yet most powerful declaration of love I’ve heard laid over music in a very long time, and I can see myself in every note, melody, and rhythm of the song.

What does this mean to me at this very moment? It’s hard to tell…I know that I do desire something meaningful at this point in life. As I said above, I also recognize that I’m capable of providing support, love, and companionship to someone. I desire someone that likes me, wants to get to know me, and respects and cherishes me, but I know that that process takes time to get to and through. Am I in a particular rush? Not necessarily. I do think it would be nice, and every time I hear this song, I feel a little twinge of hope that it can happen for me some day.

I know I can’t be the only one out here who relates to a song on a deep emotional level. What song is it for you, and how does it make you feel? If this song spoke to you, what did it say? Leave me some thoughts in the comments.

Until next time, folks…

I Almost Lost Her…

Friday night, I was all sorts of hype about the weekend. I was heading to Baltimore to take in a show with one of my best friends, and to get some drinks, and to hang out at a lounge with some other friends and acquaintances around. That was, until I went home. I stopped past my house to pick up a check and so my friend that was with me could use the bathroom. I called out to my mother to let her know I was home, and all she could say back was she didn’t feel good. Usually there’s some type of back story to it, or some thought process about what could potentially be wrong, but this time there was nothing.

My thoughts automatically went to “ok…well if you don’t feel good, what’s wrong?” I got met with stuttering vocabulary, breathlessness, and no real indication of what was going on. I kept asking her to tell me what was wrong, but she couldn’t. To be honest, I was getting flustered and irritated because I had no idea what was going on, and I hate not knowing what’s happening when things are going on. I went into her room, she told me to sit down, and that’s when I just knew everything was completely wrong. I told her I didn’t care what she said, I was either calling the ambulance or taking her to the emergency room myself. I rummaged through drawers to find clothes to put on her, because I was taking her there if she could get to the car. I had to ask my friend to come in and help me get the clothes on her, and I looked at my friend and asked if I should call 911, and her response was “yes. Call them.”

Wanna know who was scared out of her natural mind? Me. I called 911, and they told me to ask her a couple of questions to check if she was having a stroke, and the paramedics ended up showing up about 4-5 minutes later. They were the absolute longest 4-5 minutes of my life, because I just knew it was something that was going to take forever to fix, and I was literally scared to death that I lost my mom. I gathered all her medicine, put it in a bag by the front door, got her drivers license and insurance information ready, and I just knew I was going to be spending my weekend in a hospital.

Thankfully and luckily, I didn’t have to. When the paramedics got there, they checked all of her vitals and found that her blood sugar was at 41 – it’s usually supposed to be near or around 100, and her last negative reaction to low blood sugar happened when she was at 72. The paramedics told me to get her juice with sugar added to it (I put like 4 tablespoons in each cup), my friend made a pb&j sandwich for her while I sat at the table sobbing like a child, and the paramedic gave her the banana that was on top of our microwave. She started to come around, and I later found out that she had no recollection of what happened. Her memory completely blanked out from about 5:00 that evening until 7:20 or so when the paramedics and I were all standing around in her room.

I went and got her some dinner, and by the time I got back to the house, she was up and talking, and 30 or so minutes after she finished eating, she was up trying to wash clothes, so I knew everything was better. I was completely exhausted and drained, but three of my best friends were there to keep me company and keep me from focusing on the “what ifs” like I’m so prone to do.

My moral of the story: God works in mysterious and unsuspecting ways sometimes. Had I gone to Baltimore, this may have been a completely different blog post. If I never believed in divine intervention and the work of God, I definitely do after Friday night. My mother and I don’t always see eye to eye, and I’m in the midst of trying to break out and spread my wings and repair our relationship by moving out, but…Friday reminded me just how much I love and appreciate her. I almost lost her…

An Amazingly Simple Night…

It’s been a while since I’ve put some words on this here e-crib of mine. Blame a full time job, a full time school load, and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life for that one. I decided to break my unintentional hiatus here with some thoughts that popped up this evening while on my drive home…

This evening I had the pleasure of finally meeting the boyfriend of one of my “big sisters.” Funny how I call her my big sister, but she needs a stepstool to hug me. ;-) Anyway…he and I clicked like we had known each other for years. I guess all of the trash talking we had done through her for the last couple of months built our rapport before we ever met each other. This isn’t about me, though. It is 100% all about them. What I witnessed tonight was one of the most beautiful displays of love I think I’ve seen in a very long time. It’s not because there were rose petals laid out all over the floor, or overt displays of affection (neither were present), but just because everything felt so…right. Anybody that knows me knows that I absolutely hate being a third wheel. Something about being single around a couple has always rubbed me the wrong way, but this time? Not even. They were so at ease with each other and with me that it felt like it was just three friends sitting around joking, laughing, and waiting to eat dinner, rather than a boyfriend, his woman, and her friend doing the same. The air in the house was just…light. No time for arguing, no time for ridiculousness, just genuine time spent with one another (and with me), and it was just absolutely perfect.

To be honest, it gave me hope. If I’m going to be honest with myself, I know I get really despondent about relationships sometimes, but watching them renewed my faith in a sense. It reminded me that true love doesn’t have to have this element of discontent and contention to it. I really feel like my friend and her man have the whole concept of “it’s the little things that matter” down pact. While I was engaging with them and cracking jokes the entire time, I was also taking mental notes. The way they talk to each other, the way they consider each other’s opinions, how hospitable each of them were to each other and to me, how you can literally feel the love they have for one another as soon as you walk into the room where both of them are…it left me feeling inspired. I needed to be reminded that it’s possible to feel that way about someone and to have them feel that way about you, and for it to just be…right. Man! I wish ya’ll could have been there…

Needless to say, I’m extremely happy for my friend. I’m so happy that he makes her happy and treats her well and that she walks around with a constant smile on her face because she deserves it. They fit each other well, they compliment each other well, and I feel like they work really well together. I’ve gotten a glimpse into what I hope my future looks like one day, and I am so extraordinarily blessed to have been in their presence for the short time that I was…thanks for the hope and the excellent example that you’ve set for me…

Between The Foreign Exchange being in heavy rotation, and having witnessed an amazing couple tonight, I feel like I’m going to have some great dreams. Everyone reading this – remember love is possible, necessary, and beautiful. Until next time, I leave you with one of my favorite lines from The Foreign Exchange that sums up exactly how I feel after tonight…

“Good people/good lovin’/good music in my life/
It makes me happy/so happy”

The Foreign Exchange – Happiness

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well folks,

It’s that time of year again…where turkey is on the table, and all of my favorite sides are on the table…yum. By the way, no holiday is complete without Canada Dry Cranberry Ginger Ale…not none of that Cranberry Sierra Mist crap, getchu some of the original. :-)

I figured I would take a little bit of time out to say what I’m thankful for this year. 2009 was a rough, rough year, but I am extremely grateful that 2010 has been loads better. I’m thankful for the learning and growing process that I’ve been on all year, and I’m extremely thankful that I’ve gotten to know and love myself a whole lot more than I used to. I’m thankful for every single experience, both positive and negative, that I’ve had this year. Some of them changed my perception for the worse, some of them changed who I am as a person for the better, and the person I am today thanks all of those situations for making me who I am at this point.

I’m so thankful for my family (which includes my friends). I don’t know where I would be without the support and love from them all, even when I make some ridiculous decisions. I’m thankful for all of the conversations, the late night/early morning counseling sessions, the ridiculous rantings on GChat, and every other way possible that friends and family can support me. I’m so thankful that my friends held me down when I didn’t have a job, and when I didn’t know how I was going to be able to afford certain things. From the bottom of my heart, if I call you my friend, I love you and I thank you.

I’m thankful that I finally got a job this year! Not only one job, but two! I’ve finally gotten into the sector I want to be in, and here’s hoping that I can make the transition into the field I want to be in within the next year. Professional experience is a monster like none other that I’ve encountered, but I’m happy to finally be getting some…

I’m thankful for the power of social media. Yeah, that sounds strange, but without it, I wouldn’t have like 7-10 of the friends I have right now, some of whom I have yet to meet. Between Twitter, UStream, and the blogosphere, I have met some of the most amazing, intelligent, and hilarious people, some of whom I actually spent days with in Florida. I’m thankful that we all mesh so well together, and that I now have a new support system that keeps me grounded when I get out of hand. :-)

I’m also thankful for these meals (yes, I said meals) that I’ll be eating this evening. With that being said, I may just need to wrap this post up and get to peeling four pounds of potatoes for mashed potatoes. :| I hope everyone who reads this has a fantastic holiday, and that you all have something to be thankful for! I am thankful for each one of you that comes across this blog and happens to read whatever rambling I decide to put up on here. Thank you so, so much, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

An Ode to The Foreign Exchange

If you’ve spent any amount of time with me within the last calendar year, you would know how much of a Foreign Exchange fan that I am. And I don’t mean a “oh yeah, their new CD comes out tomorrow, lemme go cop it” type of a fan. I’m the “let me pre order the CD, order the CDs I don’t have, and put everybody and their momma onto these things” type of fan. I mean, in the words of my good friend Cheekie, I STAN for these two. Let me give you a bit of a history on how I became such a Foreign Exchange fan…

Thanks to Twitter, I had started “meeting” people that I had never met before in real life. One of these people was an MC from my alma mater, DK aka Wayne Watts. He and I built up a rapport based on music, and when he released his “24” mixtape for his 24th birthday, there was one song in particular, titled “Birthday Party Guestlist (R.S.V.P.)” that caught me as soon as the beat dropped. Since he took the liberty of shouting me out at the end of the mixtape (that still touches my spirit btw), I decided to ask him where in the world he got the instrumental from for that song. He excitedly replied that it was from this group called The Foreign Exchange and the name of the song was Take Off The Blues. Ya’ll know I went to YouTube IMMEDIATELY and found the video for it. When I tell you my jaw hit the ground as I listened to the song…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-a6OueWQ0O4]

That wasn’t the first time I had been introduced to FE. I remember a few years ago, hearing some tracks off of Connected, but I never thought to ask who the group was, or where I could find the music…but when I was re-introduced to them through DK, I. FELL. IN. LOVE. Never in my life had I experienced such a strong connection to music before…as someone who defines every event in her life through a soundtrack, it literally felt as if I had just discovered the soundtrack to my life. I can literally piece together songs off of all three albums to create my own personal soundtrack. From the chill flow of “Come Around” on Connected, to the introspective flow of “Daykeeper” on Leave It All Behind to the smooth groove of “Don’t Wait” on Authenticity, I have been able to musically describe my life and my thought processes for the last year thanks totally to The Foreign Exchange.

If for some unknown reason, you have NOT been blessed by the sheer talent of this amazing duo, please do yourself a favor and go download their catalog. You can get it in the iTunes store, or go to their website to getchu a piece of glory. From Nicolay’s amazing beats (like seriously, I have a heightened level of respect for anyone that can come up with music off the top of their head, but where does he GET the inspiration for this stuff? Listening to his instrumentals is like listening to magic be made, for real.) to Phonte’s verses so eloquently laid over top of said beats (and once again, this dude is the truth. He spits some real words about life and everything that comes with it in every single song on every one of their albums; I promise you, if you listen hard enough, you’ll be thinking about a lot by the time the album ends…), you can’t be disappointed in this group. You just can’t.

And let us not forget Darien Brockington, Zo!, and Yahzarah, all members of the Foreign Exchange family. Talk about people that can sing and compose music like none other…all of their features on FE albums, coupled with their own solo efforts…high quality music. I’ve put numerous people on to the entire FE family, and I literally get excited at the mere mention of new music from anyone in the group.

Everytime I listen to a Foreign Exchange piece, no matter what mood I’m in, a little piece of my soul smiles. From the bottom of my heart, to both Nicolay and Phonte, I thank you for making the music you make. You have no idea the positive impact that each of your CDs has had on my life. You literally speak to my soul and have helped me get through and process through many situations over the last 12 months. I’m SO looking forward to the next time you come to DC, because I will DEFINITELY be front and center!

Til next time, folks…